Lonely Shadows Followin Me
by greenseas
Summary: Halstead and Lindsay face more ghosts from the past. Will they back each other up, or will it all be too little against the storm of emotions headed their way?
1. Chapter 1

"Can you hear me now?" Jay shouted at the computer.

Mouse's face betrayed no emotion, so he probably couldn't hear a word Jay was saying. His brows scrunched together, like two caterpillars trying to meet, as little valleys and hills formed on his forehead. His hands, off screen, fiddled with his headset's jack.

"Stupid thing. This hardware is older than my grandmother…" he muttered, as he finally managed to shove the jack into his PC.

Jay chose that exact moment to scream Mouse's name with all the power in his lungs at the computer. Mouse practically jumped out of his skin – at least, jumped out of the headset – as the scream hit his ear at full volume.

Another dozen seconds later, they had finally managed to start a normal conversation.

"How's it going, Jay?"

"I should be asking you that." Jay replied, deflecting the question.

"Great, actually. I'm really liking the rest of the team. We're already about to face some action. I … I feel good. Like myself again."

"This was the right decision for you," Jay said, partly a statement, partly a question.

"It was. Thanks, brother."

Jay nodded at the screen, a little frown of worry on his lips. He caught the expression on his face as he glanced away from Mouse's on the screen, and wiped it away with a smile.

"I'm glad, Greg. I'm just sorry I didn't realise it earlier on."

Mouse shook his head and smiled as if it didn't matter anymore. Jay breathed out and asked him, "But really, is everything good? Any…uh, episodes? Bad memories?"

"Well, no," Mouse said slowly. "Sometimes I get a feeling one is coming soon. But I've been talking to one of the veterans here. He's been through much of the same… says it'll be hard coming back the first few days, but then it gets better. I never had it as a rough as you, Jay. I think I'll be ok."

"Good, good. Make a friend or two, you'll need one." Jay smiled, remembering all the times Mouse had saved his life and Jay had saved Mouse's back in Korangal Valley.  
"You'll tell me if you need me, won't you?" Jay questioned him.

"Of course, Jay."

"Even if I don't reach out first. You know how it is, you'll always have to be the one reaching out when you're in there. So if you get a chance to talk, just take it. Don't worry about the time difference or if I'm working. There's enough of us in Intelligence for me to step aside for a couple minutes and talk to my brother." The sentences spilled from his mouth in rush. The worry was clear in his face, too.

"Jay. I know. I'll call. Don't worry. You stay safe back home, too."

"I will."

A comfortable silence passed for a moment as the two studied each other's faces on the screen, a melancholic feeling spread through them.

"So…" Mouse began. "How's Intelligence doing without its handsome tech wiz?"

"Ah… just fine." Jay chuckled. "Tony is leaving, too. And Burgess is moving up."

"Wow. Good for her. Where's Antonio off to?"

"Attorney's Office. As a lead investigator. He's happy."

"And you?"

"What about me?"

"Are you happy?"

A goofy grin spread across Jay's face though he tried to suppress it. "I…"  
Jay breathed out, as if in disbelief at just how happy he was. "Yes. You can't imagine. Erin… it's just great, being able to live with her. Voight knows, and he doesn't seem to have a problem at all. He hasn't even mentioned it, in fact, which is as much of a blessing as I am expecting from the guy… I don't feel like I'm 'sneaking around dad's back' anymore. I just… yes. I'm happy."

Mouse grinned, eyes squinting as he looked happily at Jay's face, glad that finally someone had come along that was worthy of his friend. Jay ground his teeth together, trying to stop himself from grinning ear to ear.

"Well, what is it, Jay? Spit it out!"

Jay laughed. "Uh, well.." Jay rolled his eyes, embarrassed at himself. "We said 'I love you' to each other. And…she went first."

"Jay!" Mouse replied, slapping the desk in the army comm. tent and drawing looks from some of the more sober soldiers there, also speaking with friends and family. "Jay! I don't know what to say! I'm so happy for you, man!"

Jay chuckled, "Yeah, buddy. Don't get too excited now. It's not your girlfriend."

Mouse didn't react to the jibe; he was still grinning.

Just then, Jay heard keys jangling against the front door.

"That must be her now." Jay told Mouse, trying to see round the corner of the wall. He turned back to the screen and look Mouse in the eye, or as close to that as one can get through a Skype call. "Listen, I meant what I said earlier. Call me. Anytime."

Then he called out to Erin, "Hey, Erin! You alright? I'm talking to Mouse!"

"Huh..? Oh.. yeah, coming!" Jay heard her reply faintly.

Erin padded in stockinged feet up behind his chair, pecked Jay on his cheek, and bent down to wave at the camera. "Hey… bud! How's it going over there?" Jay watched her face on the screen, and saw a smile was plastered on her face.

"Not as great as lover's paradise, I hear!" Mouse grinned back.

Erin let out a breezy laugh, and mumbled something like, "Oh.. what has he been telling you?" Then she straightened back up, her face off-camera. "Listen, I'm off to the shower. Stay safe there, Mouse. We love you."

"Love you too, Erin." Mouse replied, raising an eyebrow at Jay as he did. When her footsteps died away, Mouse couldn't help but mock Jay. "Now we've said our 'I love you's too."

Jay turned back to the screen – he'd been watching Erin walk away. "What? Oh, haha. She said 'we' not 'I' anyway, dumbass." He smiled at Mouse, though rather distractedly.

Mouse let a moment pass and then said, "Listen, I'll call back tomorrow. How's that sound?"

"No, no, don't-"

"Really, Jay, it's fine. I don't have anything new to say anyway. I'll call you tomorrow." Mouse offered again.

Jay looked gratefully at Mouse. His first partner. "Thanks, buddy. Stay safe!"

Jay clicked the laptop closed and listened to the sound of water falling into the bath. He stood up and followed the noise, and found the bathroom door half-open. Erin was sitting on the lip of the tub, in a terry-cloth robe, staring at the running stream and swirling a finger in the water absentmindedly.

"Hey, what happened? Is everything alright with Bunny?" Jay asked.

Erin looked up slowly. She met Jay's eyes, but remained silent. He was confusion and… fear. Fear.

"Erin." Jay said more firmly. "Talk to me."

"Bunny… she says my father's in town. Wants to meet me."

Jay tried to read her face as she voiced the words. Neither of them talked to each other much about their family. They talked about Bunny, that was more out of necessity than anything else. Erin's father? All Jay really knew was that he'd walked out on her a long time ago.

"The flowers… from Leavenworth. It was probably him. It's got to be."

"What do you think he wants?" Jay probed, worry setting into his face. He wanted to hold Erin right then, protect her for just moment from the unfairness of it all. Things were just starting to fall into place. She didn't need to keep reliving the past.

He put his hand on her shoulder, then slid it up to her face, resting his thumb on the soft skin of her earlobe. "Hey. It's ok. You can handle this. We'll handle it together."

Erin nodded, and sighed, exhausted, wishing for the same things Jay had been thinking of a moment before. "I'm sorry. I didn't want… I'll understand if you…"

Jay slipped his hand back behind her head, threading his fingers through her hair and pulling her face against his neck. "Erin," he replied in a scolding tone, hardly considering her offer. "You're the toughest person I know. You don't need me here, I know that. You're strong enough to face this alone. But that doesn't mean I'm going anywhere."

She didn't reply, rather slipped her hands around his narrow waist and breathed in his scent. "I'm sorry I interrupted your call with Mouse."

"Don't worry about it. He'll call tomorrow."

"Okay. How is he?"

"Happy." Jay paused for a second. "Like us."


	2. Chapter 2

**Guys, thank you for your follows and reviews! You made my day! I've been pretty busy with school and in a zombie-like mood, and get some appreciation for this has cheered me up quite a bit. Thank you! And do review! I will keep your requests in mind, so if there's something you'd like me to write, leave a msg! As always, if you see mistakes of any kind, do correct me.**

* * *

Detective Lindsay closed her eyes for a moment. The glare of the computer screen seemed unusually bright today, and little fireworks of pain were bursting behind her eyelids. When she looked up, her partner was staring her down. His "worried face" looked more angry than anything else, but she was grateful nonetheless.

 _Everything's going to be ok. I'm not facing this alone. I have back up. I have back up. It's ok._ She had these sentences whirling through her head like a favourite song on repeat. _I should have let him in sooner_ , she thought. But despite that thought, she was on guard, and her walls were up. She needed space and quiet to think.

She got up to refill her coffee in the break room, well aware that Jay would tail her in a couple seconds if she didn't come back soon. So she filled her mug, grabbed a couple packets of sugar, and went back to her desk to grab her coat.

"I'm gonna go out for a little fresh air. Be back in five."

Jay nodded. His worried/angry expression was still there, but he seemed to understand exactly why she was leaving. "Keep your phone on."

"Will do," she replied, giving him a small reassuring smile. She glanced at Burgess, whose nose was practically touching the computer screen. From the outside, she seemed too cute and silly and friendly to be a cop. But there was no doubt in any of their minds that she was a hard worker. First day on the job and she'd already done twice the amount of paperwork than any of them. Erin remembered that conversation at Molly's they'd had long ago as she went down the stairs.

 _Flight attendant? Jay mocked._

 _You can break my balls all you want, but I learned more about crowd control and conflict resolution and intimidation tactics. Traits that will serve me well when you guys detail me up into Intelligence._

Now, Ruzek was sitting in Jules's seat, and Burgess in Antonio's. Things had changed so much, but everything seemed the same, somehow. _This is just like that. It doesn't matter that he's back. It'll work out in the end._

She wished she could convince herself that easily, but she couldn't. What really bothered her, was that she actually _cared_ what her father would think of her when they met. Despite the fact that he'd walked out on Bunny and herself when she'd been little more than a child, she _cared_ about this man's opinion. Despite the fact that he'd been abusive, Erin couldn't help but remember the odd memory of watching a game with him or riding along in his car for a grocery run. Maybe the years in prison had sobered him.

 _Watching a game with his drunk friends and me chained to his side, itching to leave and get a breath of air away from all those sour-mouthed men,_ she remembered, correcting her naïve thoughts. _Riding along in the front seat of his car, not more than 6 years old, for a 'grocery run' that brought home nothing but alcohol. She'd remind him –_ "Teddy's hungry, daddy, you need to buy bread, too.". _He'd reply, "_ Of course, sweet heart." _She'd wait in the car for an eternity. He'd come back with a grocery bag in one hand, and a surprise in the other. A lollipop._ "For you, sweetheart!"

 _That would be her happy distraction for the rest of the ride home. Then she'd get home and check the bags and find beer cans and peanuts and no bread. Then she'd guiltily pull the lollipop out of her mouth, and glance at Teddy. Then he'd cry for hours and hours and her half-eaten surprise was no help at all. Her father would lose his temper, and yell at her to leave, take him outside, "_ Through him out, for all I care!"

Erin breathed in the crisp, cool, night air, felt it burn her nostrils and felt stronger for it. _The only dad I ever needed is upstairs,_ she consoled herself. She was sitting on the stoop in front of the district, her fingers shoved into her pockets to protect them from the biting cold, people watching, when she heard her partner's voice drift down the stairs.

"How're you feeling?" she heard him say. She turned around, to tell him that she was fine, when she noticed he was speaking into a phone.

Jay sat down beside her, and pulled the phone away from his ear to put it on speakerphone.

"… and well, not bad considering. Just a little nervous," Mouse was saying. Jay didn't reply, he just looked down at the device. Then he started: "Greg, I know you can't tell me anything about what's happening, but –"

"Yes," came Mouse's voice from the other end, sounding a little strangled.

"Already?" Jay replied, a little bit of anger tainting his voice.

"It's alright, I'm fine. I just need to keep my head in the game."

"Good. Stay sharp. And call me. After."

"Of course. Let's talk about something else. What's today's case?"

"Uh, well, we got what looks like a suicide, but family and friends insist otherwise. There's a note and everything… but somethings aren't adding up. It was a 18 year old girl from South Side. Just got accepted into an Ivy League."

"How's everyone taking it?"

"Just another day on the job, right?" Jay asked, in a cynical tone.

"I guess."

An uncomfortable silence stretched for a few moments, and she could see Jay fighting with himself and trying to find the right words. He suddenly began in a rush, "Mouse, it's not too late-"

Erin put her hand on his wrist and squeezed lightly.

"-uh, to, earn a badge or two. Do what you do best, buddy. They're lucky to have you. Just be safe."

"Sure thing, Jay," Mouse replied with a laugh. "Alright then, I'll call you later. Love you, brother."

"Love you too, man. I mean it about being safe, ok? Don't do anything stupid. Don't repeat the incident that earned you your nickname."

Mouse laughed, muttered something unintelligible and hung up.

Jay stuffed the phone into his jeans pocket and hung his head between his knees. She pressed her cold hand against his neck and massaged it. "What was he saying, there?"

Jay straightened and gripped her hand, a little tighter than usual. "He's going in. First mission. He can't tell me the details… in fact, he probably shouldn't have said as much as he did. But, yeah. He's going in… If I lose him, Erin-"

"Jay. Stop it. He's going to be fine. You worrying is not going to help him. And you know this was the right decision for him. Listen, he's going to be fine. Just take my word on it." Jay looked up at her, and Erin could see that he wanted to believe what she was saying, but whatever he'd gone through with Mouse back then was too overpowering.

"Okay?"

"Okay. Thanks… for stopping me from saying something stupid." He took a long breath and turned back to her again. "How're you doing? What did you tell Bunny?"

"I told her to stall him. Give me some time to think." She could see Jay needed to think about something else, so she continued. "I know you'll come with me if I need you…"

"Of course."

"…but I don't want to give the wrong impression. I mean, I don't need his blessing. I don't want him to misunderstand me – he has no part in my life. If I face him alone, he won't be able to bother me as much.."

"If I come with you, would he be… nicer?"

"Ha!" Erin laughed. "He was never up to face a challenge to his authority. I remember when I was a teen, he caught me talking to a boy outside of school. He gave me a beating when I got home… gave me a 'lesson on the importance of family'." She scoffed. "Voight's rules seemed too easy in comparison." She laughed it off, like it was nothing. Suddenly she didn't feel like talking about it anymore. She realized both of them were just trying to avoid their feelings. If avoiding emotions were an Olympic sport, she was sure she'd win Gold every time.

"So… how _did_ Mouse earn his nickname?"

Jay chuckled under his breath. "Sorry, but that's a story he'll have to tell you when he gets back." He gave her a reassuring smile. "Come on," he said, nodding his head at the door. "Let's go back up before Voight makes stricter rules for the both of us."

Erin laughed at the remark.

"Have you told him, about…?"

"I'll tell him tonight," she replied, as the stepped inside.

"Good."

"And Jay?" she said, tugging at his sleeve to stop him.

"Yeah?" he asked, turning to her with his hand around her shoulder in the middle of the stairwell.

"Thank you."

Jay looked at her with a sad smile, and bent his head to the side kiss her softly. "That's why you have back up."

Erin laughed, and replied, "I'm not sure kisses are part of that package, Halstead." She reluctantly slipped out from underneath his arm.

They walked back into the precinct, naively thinking they were keeping their relationship on the down low. Trudy Platt, however, wasn't about to let that notion live for long.

"Hey, Detective Chuckles. You missed a spot," she called out in her loud voice, pointing at Erin's face.

Jay practically blushed. Then he got ahold of himself and turned back to Erin and kissed her full on the mouth. Erin squealed in protest and slapped her hand against his chest. He smiled at his girlfriend mischievously and turn back to Platt.

"Did I get it, Sargent?" he shot back.

Trudy Platt stared at him with wide angry eyes, speechless for once in her life. Lindsay and Halstead had to bite their tongues to keep from laughing out loud.


	3. Chapter 3

Jay stood up as the door of the teachers' room of St. John's High School swung open, just seconds after the loud ringing of the school bell. A swarm of teachers walked inside, most of them hardly noticing the two detectives, being too engrossed in their own conversations. Those who did notice simply gave them an curious glance before going about their way.

Jay called out in a loud voice towards the group, "Mr. Hoffman?"

A middle-aged man with a balding head, decked out in a tweed suit from head to toe looked up from a folder and walked toward them.

"Yes?" he asked, with a polite smile. "Can I help you?"

"Mr. Hoffman, we're Detectives Lindsay and Halstead," Jay began, pointing towards his partner and then towards himself. "We'd like to ask you a few questions regarding Juliane Wesley. She was your student, correct?"

As the man's eyes were drawn toward the badge at Lindsay's hip, his expression turned to one of apprehension. "Yes, I'm her English teacher." His eyes suddenly flashed back to Jay's. "I'm sorry, did you just say 'was'? Is Julie okay?"

Jay glanced at Erin, as the familiar feeling of dread seeped through him, then met the man's eyes again. "

"Sir, is there somewhere we could go talk?"

* * *

"She was an amazing student. Julie… she wasn't shy, she wasn't afraid of living. She was such an active person, which is what made her writing so… vivid, and convincing. Her stories… I would get sucked up into them and forget that I was grading homework… She was just brilliant that way." Hoffman brushed his nose with a handkerchief, staring at the same spot on the cafeteria floor that'd he'd been looking at since the beginning of the interview.

"Were you close?" Erin asked, her voice soft and reassuring. Jay grimaced internally. For some reason her voice reminded him of their late nights in the bedroom, all husky and soothing, and that image didn't quite mix well with their current situation. _Get a hold of yourself, Halstead._

Hoffman looked up, and shrugged, "Well, I'd like to think we were. We talked often, during school breaks, and so on. I'd like to think I knew her…but obviously she didn't feel close enough to me to let me know what was bothering her." He sniffed again. "Maybe, if I'd reached out-" his voice broke and he looked away as he struggled to regain his composure.

"Mr. Hoffman, it wasn't your responsibility," Erin offered.

Hoffman nodded faintly. Erin put her hand on Hoffman's shoulder.

Jay leaned forward across the table and asked, "Did you ever talk with her outside of school?"

"No." Hoffman paused for a second. "Well, actually, about a month ago, I walked her home after school. She'd just broken up with her boyfriend so she was feeling a bit down. We stopped at a park for an hour or two."

"What was his name?" Erin asked.

"Josh Reynolds. Not the kindest person. Dumped her a day before her birthday. Cheated on her the whole time, too. The whole school had heard about it before she did."

"She must have been upset." Jay prompted.

"Yes." Hoffman looked up. "But to do something like this? Not a chance. She was more angry than heartbroken. It showed in her writing. Anyway, it's been a month since then. She didn't seem upset the past few days. She was just getting back to her normal self."

Hoffman seemed like he was about to lose it. He glanced at his watch nervously, made some excuse about getting back to his classes and wondered how much longer this interview would take. "This has all been a shock, I'm sure you can understand. Can I meet with you later today?" he asked.

Erin nodded and gave him a sympathetic look. "If you can just get us Juliane's school file and her assignments from the past month, we'll be on our way. Here's my card. Name a place and time tonight, and we can talk about this in more detail."

"Thank you, detectives." Hoffman took the card from Erin's outstretched hand. "I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help right now. I'll have a clearer mind tonight."

Erin nodded and stood up. Hoffman shook both their hands and hurried off toward a bathroom, holding his handkerchief to his nose.

* * *

"What do you think?" Erin asked as she turned the ignition of their car.

"Not sure. Seems like a credible guy. We'll get a better opinion tonight," he replied.

"Hmm."

"Did you talk to Bunny?" he asked.

"Yeah. I told her to tell him I was busy till the weekend. I want to finish this case before we meet him."

"So you want me there?" Jay asked.

"Unless you have plans," she glanced at him with a smirk on her face.

"Yeah, I do actually. Voight and I are going out for a movie date. But maybe next time, Erin," Jay shrugged.

"Oh? What're you watching?" Erin replied, her lips stretching into a bigger smile.

"Dear John is playing in theaters again, I hear."

"Shut up," Erin laughed.

They stopped at a red light. Jay's phone started ringing. He answered the call in a flash. "Mouse." He didn't put it on speakerphone this time.

"Okay. Okay. Sure. Be safe, keep a level head, and lean on your team. Love you too, brother." He glanced at his partner. "Erin says bye, too."

"All good?" Erin asked once he'd hung up.

"Yeah. He's headed out. Says he'll try to call day after tomorrow, but it's not a given."

She was silent for a while, and then she looked at Jay and asked, "You never talk to me about Afghanistan."

"You never talk to me about your father," he replied.

Erin raised her eyebrows like he had a point. "There's not much to say really. He was drunk, most of the time, and abusive the rest. I only have a couple good memories of him. The rest… it was easier once he got into prison. I don't know. Maybe it was because Teddy had left by then… I just felt like I wasn't the one holding the family together anymore. It had sort of just fallen apart on its own. I felt better, knowing it wasn't my fault he left. Teddy… Bunny didn't tell me much about where he went. If I had known… I wouldn't have slept so easy."

Jay took it all in, imagining a young Lindsay facing all of that.

"I'm sorry you had to go through all that."

Erin shrugged. "You?"

"I… uh, lost of lot of good people in Afghanistan. Not all of them, but… too many. Coming back, I always felt guilty, being the one that had made it. So I joined more tours." Jay paused, breathed silently in and out, trying to hold old emotions at bay. "And then my mother passed away on my last tour. It made me feel a whole new level of guilt. I wanted to escape reality, to keep returning to Afghanistan. I wouldn't have made it to her funeral if it hadn't been for Mouse. He dragged me back home."

"Where was Will?" Erin asked.

"Finding his own ways to escape reality."

"And… your father?" she probed.

Jay looked her in the eye. "A lot like yours."

* * *

Jay looked up from the files on his desk. Hoffman hadn't been lying. Julie's writing was vivid alright. "Erin. Come here for a second."

"What is it," she asked, as she walked over to his desk.

He pointed at a paragraph of text, written in neat, feminine cursive. "Read this."

 _Her breath, hot and heavy, formed white clouds in the cold Chicago air. She would have shivered from the cold, with her legs dressed in only a sheer set of stockings, had it not been for his warm thighs pressed painfully against her own. He gripped her ponytail in one hand and yanked down, exposing her pale neck to the elements. He bit her skin, marking it as his own._

Erin glanced back up at him. "What…"

"Exactly. Not the average writing assignment, am I right?"

Erin scrunched her eyebrows together, her expression one of half confusion, half disgust. "What in the world was the assignment?"

"That's the best part," Jay said, laughing dryly. "It was 'How I Spent My Winter Break'". He paused to let that sink in. "The male character is described as brown-haired with blue eyes, wearing a green parka." Jay pulled up a tab on his computer. It was a page from the school website – a picture of a class of teenagers on a field trip. He pointed toward a boy grinning in the center of the group. "Well, guess who matches that description?"

"Josh Reynolds." Erin replied.

"Yup."

She turned to him. "But… still, why would she write this? Be comfortable having her teacher read it, grade it?"

"A cry for help maybe?" Jay offered. "It's worth looking into."

"Definitely." Lindsay replied. "Let's see if Hoffman brings it up tonight."

"When are we meeting him?"

"In two hours."


	4. Chapter 4

Jay checked his phone for the millionth time. _This is stupid. He just called me this morning. I have to stop it._ His behavior had caught him by surprise. He remembered the countless times he'd nagged his mother about keeping her cool and thinking positive when he'd been overseas. Now that he was finally seeing the other side of the coin, he recognized his utter lack of regard for her in the past. It filled him with guilt on top of all his worrying.

"Jay." Erin said finally, after observing similar behavior the whole day. "Why don't you let me hold your phone?"

"What? Why?" he asked, reluctant to give it up.

"Because, you're not focused. I know this trip isn't exactly dangerous, but your head should be in the game. Let me keep it for a while – if he calls I'll make sure you pick up. Just trust me – that way you won't feel like you have to check it every second."

Jay sighed, knowing she was right, and handed it over. Erin slipped it into her left pocket and put her hands back on the steering wheel.

Not more than two seconds later, it rang. Jay's head snapped back to her, hand outstretched, but when she saw the caller id, she pressed it to her own ear.

"Hey, Maggie, this is Lindsay. Yeah, he left it with me. Yeah? Great. Thanks, Maggie."

"Coroner's report?" Jay asked with a disappointed sigh.

"Yep. She sent it to your email. I'll pull over."

Lindsay waited for the traffic light to signal green, then slipped into the nearest empty parking spot while Halstead reached into the backseat for his laptop.

Once they'd pulled up the file, things got a little more interesting.

Jay raised his eyebrows as his eyes skimmed across the screen. "Clear signs of rape. Ligature marks. Inconsistent with time of death. Looks like she died from asphyxiation alright, but… the rope marks on her neck were made after she died. There are scratches on her neck - could be from the victim herself trying to get free or the abuser. Coroner can't prove it, but she thinks she was throttled before she was tied up to the ceiling"

Erin pulled her slightly away from the screen, recoiling from the brutal images. "So the suicide was a cover-up."

"Well, you can't choke yourself to death with just your hands… so looks like it. Then he tied her up to make it look like a suicide."

Erin grimaced, hoping that the world wasn't so messed up that a teenage romance could go so wrong. But then she thought of her own past and felt that she was in no position to judge.

She turned the ignition back on and began driving again, heading towards their favorite diner. When they got there, they managed to find the same spot they'd used last week for their diner with Bunny.

Jay ordered for her while she went to the restroom. When she got back, she saw a coffee on her side of the table, and a water on his.

"Trying to cut back on caffeine, again Jay?" Erin laughed, eyes squinting happily as she remembered his previous failed attempts.

Jay laughed lightly and replied, "Nah… just feeling a little jittery, thought I'd stick with water."

Erin nodded and looked down at her mug before meeting his eyes again. "Jay… I know this is difficult for you. But if you need someone to talk to… that's whole point of this relationship."

Jay smiled at and reached out for her hand. He grasped it in the middle of the table and gave it tight squeeze.

"I love you," he told her, a slight trace of his goofy smile returning to his otherwise tired face. "And… I know. Having you there, Er, every night, it does more than you know."

He wasn't exaggerating. He felt anxious, but the feeling of her hand in his own and having the freedom to stare into the depths of her loving hazel-green eyes made his whirling thoughts slow down, if only for a moment - a precious moment. It grounded him.

He wanted to kiss her, to lean far across the table and touch those lips and the husky laugh that hid waiting behind them, to hold her jaw in his palm and take them away from all of this madness – but the waitress came just then to order their meals.

Erin ordered a full meal. Jay felt like the water hadn't done much to calm his nerves and he didn't feel up to puking out his dinner later tonight, so he stuck with some fries and left it at that.

Erin gave him a worried glance and then said, "I have some meds in my locker. When we get back, remind me to get you an ibuprofen."

Jay nodded.

* * *

Voight stepped out from his office and into the bullpen. "What do we got?"

Atwater started, "Burgess and I talked to the family. There's no way in hell they're accepting that she committed suicide. They say the notes don't sound like her, and they're all callin' her a happy duckling."

"Coroner's report also suggests homicide," Alvin added.

"Her teacher's been talking about an ex who broke up with her. Could have motive." Erin suggested.

"Then there's her writing assignments," Jay followed. "Reads more like erotica than the average school assignment – lots of non-consensual acts going on with a male character that matches the ex's description."

Adam spoke up, "Sarge, I got the victim's computer over here. I'm going through her files, and there's lot more where that came from."

"Read all of them. You can split the workload with Burgess. Note everything that can lead us to finding the abuser." Voight replied, drawing awkward glances toward the pair. Voight either didn't notice or didn't care. "Atwater, I want you handling the technical aspects. Find her online activity, and check the pods around her house on the nights leading up the frame up. Halstead and Lindsay, you're following the teacher's story?"

"He'll be here in a half hour."

"Ok. Al and I will pick up the kid for questioning."

* * *

"Are these kind of assignments a normal occurrence in your classroom?" Erin poked at Hoffman, expecting an indignant reaction.

"No, not at all. But Julie was different, like I told you… and I never discouraged my students from following more mature themes in their writing," he replied, rather proudly. "I'm not exactly the conservative type, despite my appearance."

Erin ignored the last comment. "You never… found Julie's writing strange in the slightest? It's not exactly the kind of material a normal teenager is comfortable sharing with her teacher."

"As I said, Julie and I had a special relationship. She talked to me often, about all kinds of high school drama. We had long conversations about relationships, the right time to have sex, knowing when to trust someone, and when to let go." Hoffman paused, like he was reluctant to continue. "Her parents… they're good people, but… they're busy. I think Julie looked up to me like a parent."

Erin glanced at Jay. He was leaning back in his chair, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked worn down. _Shoot. The ibuprofen. I forgot._

"So… if something was troubling her… she'd tell you, wouldn't she?" Erin prompted, turning back to Hoffman.

"Well I thought so, but now…" Hoffman began. Suddenly a look of horror took hold of his face. "-unless… you don't think? Was she trying to tell me something through her writing?" He asked, suddenly rifling through his laptop bag, pulling out more assignments.

"Mr. Hoffman?" Erin prompted, encouraging him to share his thoughts.

"It's just… I sometimes thought that maybe she was writing about Josh – the uh, ex that I mentioned. You don't think he would have done something like this?" he asked with wide eyes.

"Did Julie ever mention that Josh was abusive?" Jay asked, suddenly leaning forward in his seat.

"Well… no, not explicitly," Hoffman replied, a sorry expression tainting his face. "But… there were times, times when I thought he might have… might have been…" He suddenly took his face in his hands and whimpered through his fingers, "Oh god… she was trying to tell me all this time… I should have known… I – I'm so sorry… Oh Julie!"

Erin glanced at Jay, a strange sense of guilt erupting through her system.

* * *

A faint white glow filtered through the sheer curtains of their bedroom. Erin shifted under the cold sheets and thrust a hand blindly into the darkness. Where her fingers should have met warm skin, she touched empty air. Groaning, she got off of the bed and made her way to the living room, toward the flickering glow of the TV.

"Jay?" she murmured into the silence.

"Hmm?" came his voice form the couch.

"You okay, babe?"

"Yes," he replied as she came up to the couch and sat beside his sprawled out body. "Couldn't sleep."

She put her cold palm against his cheek and felt his skin. His stubble tickled her. She bent down to kiss him, but instead, she stopped just short of his lips and brushed them with her own using the slightest touch.

Their breath mingled in the chilly night air, each of them breathing in the scent of the other. Jay soaking in the faint scent of her shampoo on the strands of her hair that brushed his face, Erin breathing in the faded smell of his cologne. She let her hand travel back behind his head, pinching the soft locks of his hair between her fingers, while he moved his palms to her hip, skin making contact with skin where her shirt had ridden up.

Erin leaned forward, and kissed him softly, making a small sound of contentment like a sigh.

That broke the spell.

Jay's hands moved upwards with a gentle quickness, crossing her back and stroking her sides as his lips locked with her own. He leaned forward until she was underneath him, never breaking contact.

The kiss seemed to last forever, until they both broke free of each to take a desperate breath of air. Their eyes met for a second, looking moist in the glare of the light.

"Erin," Jay whispered through a tortured breath, whisking a strand of her hair behind her ear as he did.

Erin tilted her face upwards, claiming his lips as her own, pulling his chest down to hers.

"I lo-", he began.

" _I know_ ," she replied, wrapping her arms round his neck. " _Just kiss me._ "

* * *

 **Well, here's another one! If you enjoyed it, please leave a review! They make me very happy :D. In fact, leave a review even if you didn't - let me know what you'd like changed in future installments. Thanks for reading! 3 Now I'm off to bed, phew!**

 **Oh yeah: let me know if you like the "linstead to case" ratio. Trying to mimic the show by including a case to solve, just with a little more linstead, since I think there are lots of great fanfics out there for only linstead stories. but tell me what you think.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Ahhhh ok this the last one this week because I don't have any more chapters written up beforehand and I am too busy this week to write anymore. I hope you like it!**

"Once you ask for a lawyer, we can't help you, kid," Alvin said, staring at his fingernails.

Josh Reynolds glared defiantly at the older men. "You told me you were just going to ask me a few question for your report, man. This sounds like an interrogation. I need my dad here."

"How old are you, son?" Alvin asked, lazily drawing his eyes up to the kid.

"18."

"Well then, you don't _need_ anyone. Anyway, I'm not sure you'll want to confess the things you've done in front of him."

"Confess?" Josh snarled. "I don't have anything _to_ confess. That bitch killed herself – it's not my problem." He finished his sentence with a vengeful smirk, like calling her that word earned him some deep satisfaction.

Voight breathed out heavily. _'That bitch'_. How many times had he heard Charlie call Erin that? He put his hands down on the table and pressed his weight into his palms, and turned his head towards Al.

"You hear that, Al? ' _That bitch.'_ He sounds angry, don't you think? There's all the motive we need, right there. That and his hand. Have a look at that. Can't have been easy choking her to death with your bare hands."

Josh's smirk shrunk a little, and he glanced down at his right hand, clenched into a fist. The stitches stood out of his pale skin like the seam on a baseball.

" _This?_ This is more than a week old."

"Look at that!" Voight chirped, smiling sarcastically. "He even has an alibi!"

"I'll call in the uniforms." Al said, walking to the door. He turned back to Josh. "18, you said? No juvie for you, kid. You get to go to the big-boy prison."

"Hey!" The kid suddenly sat up, finally seeming to realize the gravity of the situation. "Just – just wait a second. I didn't have fucking _motive_ , ok? That – uh, Julie, was my girlfriend! I never hurt her. She's the one who– " he shut up suddenly, shaking his head and staring at a spot on the wall. "I want my dad here," he repeated. "And a fucking lawyer," he spat out.

* * *

Burgess, Ruzek, Lindsay, and Halstead were sitting at their desks in the bullpen, trawling through the countless files of explicit erotica on Juliane Wesley's laptop, and the milder pieces handed over by Hoffman. Every few minutes, they'd copy a line or two down into their own files, noting anything that could give a clue into Wesley's mind, or identify the characters in her writing. Atwater sat in Mouse's old seat, going through Josh Reynold's social media.

Under normal circumstances, Halstead and Lindsay would be the ones feeling awkward in this situation. But after last night, neither of them felt like a teenage girl's erotic pastime could compare to their glorious reality.

And Burgess was too engrossed in the case to be paying much mind to the fact that she was reading those files across from her ex.

Ruzek on the other hand?

Whole different story.

Every few minutes he would clear his throat and shift in his seat, throw a few unreturned glances at Kim and turn back to the files. He began to despise Juliane Wesley for putting him in this situation. What was even worse was that Burgess didn't even seem bothered at all. He thought back to the time when Roman had been around and wondered why he was surprised at all. She was clearly past their drama. But he wasn't.

Lindsay spoke up. "Look, I saw Al bring that kid in. I know there's nothing here that proves it, but I don't think he's up to this. The way she writes about this guy… first off, she doesn't sound like a victim. And this character, whoever he is, real or fiction, he doesn't sound like a teenager. He sounds… experienced."

"Ohh, looking at the way kids are talking about this Reynolds across twitter and Facebook, I'd say this kid has had _plenty_ of experience," Atwater replied.

Voight and Al came back up the stairs.

"Kid's not gonna talk. We have to wait for his father to show up. Lindsay, Halstead, you handle it."

Lindsay nodded. "What do you read off of this guy?"

"He definitely has something to hide, that's for sure."

* * *

Mr. Reynolds sat beside his son, placing a firm hand on his shoulder, squeezing it every now and then to encourage his son.

"When did you break up with Juliane?" Lindsay asked.

"A month ago." Josh replied, staring down at his feet, his arrogance humbled in the slightest by his father's presence.

"What happened?"

Josh's head snapped back up. "What does any of this have to do with any-"

Josh was cut off by another squeeze on his shoulder.

" _Josh._ Just answer the goddamn question."

Josh stared down at his feet again. "I didn't want to be with her anymore," he said hesitantly. "That's all."

"Really?" Halstead asked. "You dumped her in a pretty savage way, man. I don't think you'd break up with your girlfriend the day before her birthday if you just… drifted apart."

"You don't know me, ok? And you didn't know Julie, so just-"

Mr. Reynolds nails dug into his son's shirt. "Sorry, detectives. Please, continue."

Halstead threw a sidelong glance at Lindsay. _Who needs Voight when the father of the suspect acts like this?_ he thought.

"Is that not what happened, Josh?" Lindsay asked gently.

Josh rolled his eyes. "Yes, that's what happened. But _I_ didn't hurt her."

Halstead raised his eyebrows. "Maybe not. But it sounds like you know who did?"

* * *

"Uh, Sarge?" Atwater began.

"Yeah." Voight said, looking up from his files.

"I've been checking the pods, like you told me. Julie left her house multiple times last few weekends. Now, I tried out that geotagging software Mouse taught me to use, and I got her visiting _this_ address too many times –" he placed a slip of paper on Voight's desk.

"I checked our databases and our maps – there's nothing there. It's empty land that some major corporation is sitting on. I think we should check it out."

Voight nodded. "Good work. Take Burgess."

* * *

"She wasn't acting like herself for months. She was being weird. Avoiding me. Not answering my calls. Putting off dates. Anyone at school who says I'm an asshole doesn't know the full story."

"Then tell us," Lindsay pleaded, leaning into her seat.

Josh ground his teeth and rolled his eyes again. "That's it, ok?"

He looked up and continued, "I had plenty of other girls who were interested in me. I didn't feel like waiting around to get laid, so I just dumped her!"

"And then you took revenge." Halstead finished for him.

" _No!_ Stop – stop putting words in my mouth. I didn't do anything!"

"We've been looking at your media accounts, Josh," Halstead replied. "Looks like you've gotten used to partying hard and getting girls. So… when Julie started backing away from you…"

"…you got angry, maybe? Cheated on her?" Lindsay finished.

"Killed her when she got jealous?"

Josh stared at the detectives, eyes bugging out of his head. "You guys are just like the rest," he spat out. "'Poor Julie. Innocent Julie.' _You didn't know her like I did._ You think I wanted us to break up? _I loved Julie! She's the one who broke my heart, she's the one who cheated, for god's sake!"_

Halstead and Lindsay exchanged loaded glances, while Josh regained his composure. As the color in his face began to drain after his yelling fit, he took on an expression of immense guilt. Like he'd just spilled an immense secret.

Mr. Reynolds had been sitting silently through the majority of this conversation. He had sat quietly by, nothing about him betraying the slightest hint of emotion. Either the father, acting the part of a lawyer, had an unshakeable trust in his son, or he didn't care what the poor kid went through. Now he spoke up.

"It's too late to protect her now, Josh. Just tell the detectives what they already know."

* * *

Kim and Atwater walked into the wooden shed, which was partially obscured by heaps of rubbish and a bit of bramble growing through the dry earth. Atwater ducked his head, and pulled out his flashlight.

Clean blankets. Satin pillows. A thin mattress.

The sun shone brightly outside the walls of moldy wooden planks, but within this enclosure, whether through some masterful engineering or the sprawl of decaying vegetation, darkness reigned. The cone of light swept over the bare furnishings.

Unlit candles.

The yellow cone of light hit a reflective surface.

The glossy cover of a magazine.

Kim picked it up with gloved fingers. As she did, little polaroid photographs spilled out.

* * *

" It was a week before I broke up with her. I couldn't find her anywhere, and she was avoiding all my calls. So… I searched and searched and finally ended up at the school. For some reason, I went to his room. I guess I thought he'd know where she was."

Josh clenched and unclenched his jaw. "I could hear them, through the door. Fucking."

"I tried the door, but it was locked. I don't know, I just, went insane. I punched through the frosted glass 10 or 15 times. And there they were. On the desk."

He took a deep breath.

"His belt around her neck."

"Josh?" Lindsay said softly. "Who was on the desk? We need you to be specific."

Josh look into Erin's eyes like despised every atom of her being.

" _Mr. Hoffman"_

* * *

Voight's eyes seemed to burn through the little polaroids.

"The family doesn't need to see this."

Atwater and Burgess nodded silently. They walked out the door, feeling, for some reason, like they hadn't helped in any way. They'd become cops to make a difference. But these days, Atwater felt like all they did was save cold cases.

Burgess felt anger. Anger at the kind of people who lead naive girls astray, who hurt them in the midst of their passion; anger at the kind of parents who don't even know their own daughter, at the boyfriend who hurts his lover by trying to protect her.

* * *

 **Early Morning, Next Day:**

Voight buzzed himself upstairs past the metal cage, and took the steps two at a time. When he got to halfway across the bullpen, he suddenly stopped in his tracks.

Jay was sitting in his seat, his cheek resting against the desk, one hand curved around his head, the other limp at his side gripping a mobile phone. His back was rising and falling slightly with his breaths.

Voight checked his watch – 7:17.

He stepped softly closer and rested his hand against Halstead's forehead. Cool. Not warm.

His eyes narrowed as he turned back around and began descending the steps two at a time. He propped open the metal door with his foot and called down to the desk sargent

"When did Halstead get here, Trudy?"

Trudy looked up from her files and made a face that read 'what the hell are you talking about?'.

Voight shook his head, and rephrased. "Nevermind that, just tell me when you started your shift."

"5:00 am, Hank. What, is Halstead up there?" she asked.

Hank Voight didn't reply. He climbed back upstairs and went into his office. _Been here then for more than 2 hours._

He pulled out his cell and dialed speed dial 7.

"Erin. I need you at the district."


	6. Chapter 6

**Tadaaa, here it is at last. Sorry to keep you waiting. Also, I am running a little dry on ideas after my little writing hiatus, so in a review/msg tell me what you'd like to read. And stick around for the next chapter because I have nasty sneaky surprise planned. :D**

Hank saw her car at the traffic junction a few blocks south from his window. He grabbed his jacket and walked out of his office, to meet her downstairs.

By the time he got to the front door below, she was hurriedly getting out of her parked car.

"What's wrong?," she asked urgently once she'd walked over to him. "Is he sick?"

"No, he doesn't have a temperature. What happened last night?" Hank asked, searching Erin's face with suspicion. It had been months since he'd accepted the fact that Erin and Jay were together, but now he couldn't help but thinking he'd been right all along to keep them apart. They'd just moved in together and now here he was, hiding from home, hiding from Erin.

Hank's thoughts must have been clearly written on his face – at least to Erin's practiced eyes – because she gave him a disgusted look and said defensively, " _Nothing happened. We're good."_

Then she pushed past him and began climbing up the stairs.

"Erin." Hank said quietly.

She stopped and turned to look at him slowly.

"Get him home." Hank added, "You have four hours, and then I need you back here to show Burgess how to work the database."

Erin's cold expression melted a little, and she gave him a small, grateful nod. They walked up together, and Hank shut himself in the break room as Erin knelt down beside Jay.

He rarely spent much time in the coffee-stained chamber adjoining his office, but right now it served his purpose well. Jay was asleep at his desk, his face turned toward the half-shuttered windows so that anyone within had a clear view of the two partners without having to be in the bullpen.

* * *

The first thing Jay did upon waking up was check his phone. He felt guilty. He'd fallen asleep – Mouse might have called him, he could have missed it.

 _No, I would have woken up._

Erin's voice was tugging at his attention, but his own thoughts were too loud. Where was he? He checked the time. 7:45. He'd been here for almost four hours. He remembered a restless sleep, waking up at 1, and quietly walking around the house trying to find something to do. At around 4 he'd quietly left their apartment and gone to the district to finish up some paperwork.

"Jay." Erin was saying. "What is it? Mouse?"

Jay let out a long breath. "Yeah. Couldn't sleep, I just came here to work. I'm fine," he heard himself saying.

"Why didn't you wake me?"

She sounded hurt. Jay couldn't blame her, but neither did he feel like explaining. He knew it was cruel. He remembered how he'd felt when she'd shut him out after Nadia's death, but he just couldn't bring himself to explain. He knew well enough himself how crazy he was acting. But he couldn't help it.

When he didn't reply, her face took on a disappointed look. "Come on. Let's go," she said at last.

"No, I told you, I'm fine, let me work-"

"Work? Like this? You barely slept the day before yesterday and you didn't get _any_ sleep today – don't tell me you're fine. Let's go home"

"All I need is some coffee, okay? Just…back off."

Erin pulled her head back and scoffed. "Back off? Mouse has hardly been gone a week and it's like you're already grieving – "

"Shut up! Don't say another word!" Jay practically spit the words out, adrenaline suddenly pumping through his body. "I told you, I fine, I just need –"

"Jay," she cut him off. "I can't cover your back when you're like this. And – "

"We don't even have a case – !"

"– _and I can't trust you to cover mine!"_

That seemed to hit him. He stood up suddenly, the chair flying out from under him with a little more force than he'd intended. It hit Al's desk and knocked over a picture frame.

They looked at each other, each seeming to have something more to say. Then Jay sighed and all the energy seemed to leave him like air from a deflating balloon. Erin muttered a 'let's go' and walked out, Jay following behind her.

"Look, I'm sorry. I – "

"I know. I'm sorry too. Just get home, get some sleep. Mouse is going to call."

* * *

"Mouse! Are you okay?" Erin asked, pressing Jay's phone to her ear guiltily, regretting the fact that Mouse had called the one moment Jay had left his phone behind. He was going to feel even more guilty.

"Oh, Erin, hi! Yeah, I'm fine, I feel great, the gig was tough, but we're a great team and there's a guy here called Guns, well, his name is Gunther, he's got Swedish blood in him, but the point is Guns– "

A wide grin spread across her face as she listened to him ramble on, reminding her of the many times she'd done the same in the bullpen before Hank had cut him off to ask Jay to tell the gist of the story. Erin walked toward the bathroom door as she listened.

" – so in the end we just made scarecrows out of our cammo and moved them around until they rant outta ammo."

"Hah, wow, hell of a first day back on the job."

"You're telling me!"

"Listen, let me give you to Jay," she replied as the knocked on the bathroom door. Jay stepped out and froze for a second when he saw the phone in her hand, then grabbed it without another second's hesitation.

"Mouse!" Erin heard Jay exclaim as she walked out of their bedroom to give them time to talk. That was the last thing she heard Jay say, excepting a few 'wow's and 'mmhmm's – Mouse seemed to be talking his ear off. Which was just as well for Jay, because after all of his worrying, he didn't have much he'd rather do than listen to his old partner and try to hide his worries.

* * *

"So?" Erin asked when Jay stepped out of their room. She was sitting on the couch, typing out a reply to Hank's message.

"He's good." Jay replied. He smiled, the first one she'd seen on him in a day, maybe even two.

He sat down on the couch beside her, a little distance apart, as if he'd committed some crime and was exacting his own punishment.

"And you?" she asked, dumping the question that mattered more.

"Fine. I mean it this time. I'm just so relived," Jay replied. "Look, I can't tell you how sorry I am about – "

Erin stopped him with a look.

"…just…thank you," he finished.

She shook her head. "I'm just returning the favor," she replied, recalling how she'd been a hundred times worse after Nadia. "Last night's Cubs game is on, if you want to watch. Hank needs me back at the station."

Before he could start another argument, she added, "You're under orders to stay here. You can come in tomorrow."

"Actually, I wouldn't mind the day off," he replied, smiling tiredly. "I think I'll take a nap … for like 14 hours."

Erin smiled and walked out of the apartment, feeling the tension in her neck begin to melt away. It wasn't just Jay - she'd been worried about Mouse too. Now the prospect of spending the rest of the afternoon with Burgess didn't seem so bad, knowing both of them were ok. She closed the door behind her and almost walked away. But then her eye caught a little sliver of metal shining from underneath her doormat. Her spare key. It was a horrible place to hide it, but there was no better alternative, and Erin couldn't count on two hands the number of times she'd left her key at the station or lost it in a foot chase. She slipped it back underneath with the edge of her boot and started down the stairs.


End file.
